Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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