It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
