I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
