i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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