awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Mom said you looked used
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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