I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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