My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
