Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
