how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
