The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
