If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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