Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
