Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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