My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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