Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
