If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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