the condom got lost in my hair
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
