how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
