im drinking this country out of the recession.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
