don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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