I hate all girls vehemently.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just gargled with NyQuil
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
