I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
