You can't motorboat a personality
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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