I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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