Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
