i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
