oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
