oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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