So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
