I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
