the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize