I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
