Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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