...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
