so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
