I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
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His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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