Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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