Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
