I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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