I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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