Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
