what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
