I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
