i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
