They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
