what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you had me at cake vodka
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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