Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
When are your genitals available?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
