Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We need to get me chipped asap
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
