i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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