Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
