I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
