he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
