She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
