I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
