i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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