I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
