I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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