I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
