she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
