There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
