try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
