i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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