quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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