if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
