I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
