woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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