Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me