we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on