he wants to bone in the snuggie
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.