...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
