I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
