Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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