My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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